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Dear Kids, There is no Santa. The presents are from your parents. Love, Wikileaks

#491
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Dec 23, 2010 07:46 PM - Kids Jokes - by Santa

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In the Hospital the relatives gathered in the waiting room, where their family member lay gravely ill. Finally, the doctor came in looking tired and somber. "I'm afraid I am the bearer of bad news," he said as he surveyed the worried faces, "The only hope left for your loved one at this time is a brain transplant. It's an experimental procedure, semi-risky, and you will have to pay for the brain yourselves." The family members sat silent as they absorbed the news. After a length of time, someone asked, "Well, how much does a brain cost?" The Doctor quickly responded, "$5000 for a male brain, and $200 for a female brain." The moment turned awkward. Men in the room tried not to smile, avoiding eye contact with the women, but some actually smirked. A man, unable to control his curiosity, blurted out the question everyone wanted to ask, "Why is the male brain so much more?" The doctor smiled at the childish innocence and then to the entire group said, "It's just standard pricing procedure. We have to mark down the price of the female brains, because they've been used."

#475
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Nov 21, 2010 01:47 PM - Funny Jokes - by Jenny

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Last year, I decided to buy my mother-in-law a cemetery plot as a Christmas gift... The next year, I didn't buy her a gift. When she asked me why, I replied, "Well, you still haven't used the gift I bought you last year!" And that's how the fight started.....

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Nov 10, 2010 08:15 PM - Funny Jokes - by Jane

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A blonde is speaking to her psychiatrist. "I'm on the road a lot, and my clients are complaining that they can never reach me." Psychiatrist: "Don't you have a phone in your car?" Blonde: "That was a little too expensive, so I did the next best thing. I put a mailbox in my car." Psychiatrist: "Uh ... How's that working?" Blonde: "Actually, I haven't gotten any letters yet." Psychiatrist: "And why do you think that is?" Blonde: "I figure it's because when I'm driving around, my zip code keeps changing."

#454
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Oct 19, 2010 07:45 PM - Blonde Jokes - by postman

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Two elderly couples were enjoying friendly conversation when one of the men asked the other, "Fred, how was the memory clinic you went to last month?" "Outstanding," Fred replied. "They taught us all the latest psychological techniques - visualization, association - it's made a big difference for me." "That's great! What was the name of that clinic?" Fred went blank. He thought and thought but couldn't remember. Then a smile broke across his face and he asked, "What do you call that flower with the long stem and thorns?" "You mean a rose?" "Yes, that's it!" He turned to his wife. "Rose, what was the name of that clinic?"

#451
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Oct 9, 2010 04:06 PM - Funny Jokes - by rose

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If men got pregnant... 1. Morning sickness would rank as the nations number one health problem 2. Maternity leave would last for two years with full pay. 3. Children would be kept in the hospital until toilet trained. 4. Natural childbirth would become obsolete. 5. All methods of birth control would become 100% effective. 6. Men would be eager to talk about commitment. 7. There would be a cure for stretch marks. 8. They would serve beer instead of coffee at antenatal classes. 9. Men wouldn't think twins were so cute. 10. Sons would have to come home from dates by 9 pm. Hehehe!

#449
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Oct 6, 2010 05:53 PM - Men Jokes - by Trish

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You know you're really broke when... American Express calls and says: "Leave home without it!" Your idea of a 7-course meal is taking a deep breath outside a restaurant. You're formulating a plan to rob the food bank. You've rolled so many pennies, you've formed a psychic bond with Abe Lincoln. Long distance companies don't call you to switch anymore. You look at your roommate and see a large fried chicken in tennis shoes. Your rob Peter...and then rob Paul. You finally clean your house, hoping to find change. You think of a lottery ticket as an investment. Your bologna has no first name. You give blood everyday... just for the orange juice. Sally Struther's sends you food. McDonald's supplies you with all your kitchen condiments. At communion you go back for seconds. You wash your toilet paper. You have to save up to be poor. You're in college. On thanksgiving your dad would bring home a picture of a thanksgiving meal. You owe yourself money. You are sterilizing your urine for reconsumption. Your imaginary friend has more money than you.

#446
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Oct 2, 2010 07:31 PM - Stupidity - by Pauper

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They say children say the darndest things. Well what about dunce students sitting their G.C.S.E (UK) exams (similar to SAT)? These are allegedly answers that were actually given in school exams. Enjoy and choose your favorite. Q: What is artificial insemination? A: When the farmer does it to the bull instead of the cow. Q: Name the four seasons. A: Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar. Q: How is dew formed? A: The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire. Q: What is a planet? A: A body of earth surrounded by sky. Q: In a democratic society, how important are elections? A: Very important. Sex can only happen when a male gets an election. Q: What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty? A: He says goodbye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery. Q: Name a major disease associated with cigarettes. A: Premature death. Q: How can you delay milk turning sour? A: Keep it in the cow. Q: What does "varicose" mean? A: Nearby. Q: What is the most common form of birth control? A: Most people prevent contraception by wearing a condominium. Q: Give the meaning of the term "Caesarean Section." A: The caesarean section is a district in Rome. Q: What is a seizure? A: A Roman emperor. Q: What is a terminal illness? A: When you are sick at the airport Q: What does the word "benign" mean? A: Benign is what you will be after you be eight.

#445
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Sep 29, 2010 08:54 AM - Kids Jokes - by Sally P

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