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Category: office jokes

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An accountant dies and goes to heaven. He reaches the pearly gates and is amazed to see a happy crowd all waving banners and chanting his name. After a few minutes St. Peter comes running across and says, "I'm sorry I wasn't here to greet you personally. God is looking forward to meeting such a remarkable man as yourself." The accountant is perplexed. "I've tried to lead a good life, but I am overwhelmed by your welcome," he tells St. Peter. "It's the least we can do for someone as special as you are. Imagine, living to the age of 160 and still looking so young," says St. Peter. The man looks even more dumbfounded and replies, "160? I don't know what you mean. I'm only 40." St. Peter replies, "But that can't be right - we've seen your time sheets!"

#317
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Jul 14, 2010 12:21 PM - Office Jokes - by drakes

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The boss came early in the morning one day and found his manager kissing his secretary. He shouted at him, "Is this what I pay you for?" The manager replied: "No, sir, this I do free of charge."

#313
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Jul 9, 2010 02:57 AM - Office Jokes - by Swipe

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What is Business? Dad: I want you to marry a girl of my choice. Son: No! Dad: The girl is Bill Gates’ daughter. Son: Then ok! Dad goes to Bill Gates… Dad: I want your daughter to marry my son. Bill Gates: no! Dad: My son is the CEO of the World Bank. Bill gates: then ok! Dad goes to the president of the World Bank.. Dad: appoint my son as CEO of your Bank. President: No! Dad: He is the son-in-law of Bill Gates. President: Then ok! This is BUSINESS!

#149
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Mar 31, 2010 06:48 AM - Office Jokes - by Joshua

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Dictaphone A secretary goes into her bosses office and says, "Excuse me, may I use your dictaphone?" The boss replies, "No, use your finger like everyone else."

#127
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Mar 27, 2010 04:47 AM - Office Jokes - by Andrew

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The Less You Know, The More You Make "Salary Theorem" states that "Engineers and Scientists can never earn as much as Business Executives and Sales People." This theorem can now be supported by a mathematical equation based on the following two postulates: 1. Knowledge is Power. 2. Time is Money. As every engineer knows: Power = Work / Time Since: Knowledge = Power Time = Money It follows that: Knowledge = Work/Money. Solving for Money, we get: Money = Work / Knowledge. Thus, as Knowledge approaches zero, Money approaches infinity, regardless of the amount of work done. Conclusion: The less you know, the more you make.

#115
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Mar 26, 2010 07:33 AM - Office Jokes - by Giovanni

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MEMO FROM ACCOUNTING DEPARTMENT It has come to our attention recently that many of you have been turning in timesheets that specify large amounts of "Miscellaneous Unproductive Time" (Code 5309). However, we need to know exactly what you are doing during your unproductive time. Attached below is a sheet specifying a tentative extended job code list based on our observations of employee activities. The list will allow you to specify with a fair amount of precision what you are doing during your unproductive time. Please begin using this job-code list immediately and let us know about any difficulties you encounter. Thank you, Accounting

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Mar 26, 2010 06:42 AM - Office Jokes - by Eduardo

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Gary Condit looks up from his desk to see one of his aides nervously approach him. "What is it?" yells the Congressman. "It's this abortion bill, Mr. Condit. What do you want to do about it?" the aide asks. "Just go ahead and pay it," responds the Congressman.

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Feb 25, 2010 10:50 PM - Office Jokes - by Bena

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A young executive was leaving the office late one evening when he found the CEO standing in front of a shredder with a piece of paper in his hand. "Listen," said the CEO, "this is a very sensitive and important document here, and my secretary has gone for the night. Can you make this thing work?" "Certainly," said the young executive. He turned the machine on, inserted the paper, and pressed the start button. "Excellent, excellent!" said the CEO as his paper disappeared inside the machine. "I just need one copy."

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Feb 10, 2010 09:39 PM - Office Jokes - by pretty

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