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Category: men jokes

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If men got pregnant... 1. Morning sickness would rank as the nations number one health problem 2. Maternity leave would last for two years with full pay. 3. Children would be kept in the hospital until toilet trained. 4. Natural childbirth would become obsolete. 5. All methods of birth control would become 100% effective. 6. Men would be eager to talk about commitment. 7. There would be a cure for stretch marks. 8. They would serve beer instead of coffee at antenatal classes. 9. Men wouldn't think twins were so cute. 10. Sons would have to come home from dates by 9 pm. Hehehe!

#449
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Oct 6, 2010 05:53 PM - Men Jokes - by Trish

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"Doc," says Steve, "I want to be castrated." "What on earth for?" asks the doctor in amazement. "It's something I've been thinking about for a long time and I want to have it done" replies Steve. "But have you thought it through properly?" asks the doctor, "It's a very serious operation and once it's done, there's no going back. It will change your life forever!" "I'm aware of that and you're not going to change my mind-either you book me in to be castrated or I'll simply go to another doctor." "Well, OK.", says the doctor, "But it's against my better judgment!" So Steve has his operation, and the next day he is up and walking very slowly, legs apart, down the hospital corridor with his drip stand. Heading towards him is another patient, who is walking exactly the same way. "Hi there," says Steve,"It looks as if you've just had the same Operation as me." "Well," said the patient, "I finally decided after 37 years of life that I would like to be circumcised." Steve stared at him in horror and screamed, "Shit! THAT'S the word!"

#442
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Sep 26, 2010 08:31 PM - Men Jokes - by lewis

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Funny Men Put Downs :- What's the best way to force a man to do sit ups? Put the remote control between his toes. Why are all dumb blonde jokes one liners? So men can understand them. Why did God create man before woman? Because you're always supposed to have a rough draft before creating your masterpiece. Why do men need instant replay on TV sports? Because after 30 seconds they forget what happened. Why is psychoanalysis a lot quicker for men than for women? When it's time to go back to his childhood, he's already there What do you call a handcuffed man? Trustworthy. Why do only 10% of men make it to heaven? Because if they all went, it would be Hell. Why do men like smart women? Opposites attract. How do men define a "50/50" relationship? We cook - they eat. We clean - they dirty. We iron - they wrinkle. How is Colonel Sanders like the typical male? All he's concerned with is legs, breasts and thighs. How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb? ONE, He just holds it up there and waits for the world to revolve around him. What should you give a man who has everything? A woman to show him how to work it. What's a man's idea of honesty in a relationship? Telling you his real name.

#430
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Sep 1, 2010 07:39 PM - Men Jokes - by Liza

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A man staggers into an emergency room with a concussion, multiple bruises, two black eyes and a five iron wrapped tightly around his throat. Naturally, the doctor asks him what happened. "Well, it was like this," said the man. "I was having a quiet round of golf with my wife, when at a difficult hole, we both sliced our balls into a pasture of cows. We went to look for them, and while I was rooting around, noticed one of the cows had something white at its rear end. I walked over and lifted up the tail, and sure enough, there was a golf ball with my wife's monogram on it-- stuck right in the middle of the cow's butt." "That's when I made my big mistake." "What did you do?" asks the doctor. "Well, I lifted the cow's tail again and yelled to my wife, "Hey, this looks like yours!" "I don't remember much after that!"

#306
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Jun 7, 2010 12:08 PM - Men Jokes - by Freddie

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Two brothers jointly owned a business and both were wise in worldly ways. While dying, one brother instructed his sibling to put half of their combined wealth into the grave with the casket. The brother reluctantly agreed. In time his brother died. At the graveside ceremony the living brother wrote a check for half of their assets and placed it in the casket.

#296
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May 24, 2010 05:44 PM - Men Jokes - by Gideon

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My female friends complain about dating. My friend was like, 'I went out with this guy, and he wanted to sleep with me after five dates.' And I was like, 'No, he wanted to sleep with you after one date. He thought he might have a chance after five. He probably wanted to sleep with you after zero dates, but he thought a trip to Applebee's might grease the wheels a little.'

#290
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May 24, 2010 05:30 PM - Men Jokes - by Roberto

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The house was on fire. A woman appeared at an upstairs Window. she was clutching a baby and screaming, "my baby! my baby! save my baby!" "Throw the baby to me!" shouted a young man. "I'll catch him" "You might drop him."Shouted the woman. "I'm a professional footballer." Shouted the man. "I'm a goalkeeper. I'm very good at catching The baby will be safe with me." The woman threw down the baby to the young man who put all his professional expertise into operation, and he expertly caught the baby. Then, unthinkingly, kicked it over the garden wall.

#181
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Apr 8, 2010 09:38 AM - Men Jokes - by John

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One day an Air Force general and an Army general were driving down the same road. They crashed and got out of their cars. The Air Force general said, "This is a sign for the Air Force and the Army to finally unite!" The Army general went to his car and grabbed a bottle of liquor and took a long swig. "Let's celebrate!" he said and gave the bottle to the Air Force general. "No thanks. I'll just wait till the cops get here."

#171
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Apr 6, 2010 08:48 AM - Men Jokes - by Ryan

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